


No More.

by Morgana_avalon



Category: Captain America (Movies)
Genre: Epilogue, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-05
Updated: 2016-08-06
Packaged: 2018-07-29 14:24:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 16,041
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7687894
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Morgana_avalon/pseuds/Morgana_avalon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is the epiloque to Still Breathing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Memories

Epilogue

Part 1

“Maybe you should get some sleep. You look awfully tired to me.”

Clint’s voice wakes me up. Apparently I was nodding off, something that doesn’t surprise me. I might have handled today’s mission all right, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t take a toll on me. “Maybe I should.” Steve nods approvingly, get to his feet, and extends a hand, offering to pull me to mine too. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.”

Steve’s tone is caring and it causes me to blush slightly. I still need to get used to him feeling that way about me. Steve wraps an arm around my waist and pulls me close. “I’m not that tired,” I say, pretending to be offended.

“I don’t care. I love having you close.”

My blush intensifies. “You really have to stop saying things like that!” 

“Why is that?”

I don’t buy the innocent look for even a second. We make our way up to our room and I head for the bathroom. I still flinch when faced with my reflection, but I AM slowly getting used to it. I’m not sure how I feel about myself these days. Not so long ago, I hated the very sight of me. These days, because Steve and Clint keep telling me, I’m giving myself a chance to find a place in this world. It’s hard though. Contrary to Steve, I don’t think I’m Avenger material. 

“Hey, what’s keeping you?”

Steve sounds worried, but also curious, which tells me I need to hurry up before he makes his way inside to check on me. “I’m fine,” I tell him, hoping to reassure him. I strip down to my boxers and put the clothes into the hamper. I fight the urge to cover up again and slip into some pajama’s. I do want to take the next step and sleeping skin on skin –mostly – seems the most logical thing to do. I hope Steve sees it that way too. So far, he took the initiative where sex was concerned. He may have some experience in bed, but I don’t – at least not with another man.

I step into the bedroom and find that Steve didn’t waste any time. He ditched his clothes and slipped beneath the covers. He’s back to reading, but I suspect it’s just a ruse to make me feel less watched and more comfortable.

“There you are. Took you a long time.”

Steve knows. He knows why I’m stalling. Of course he does. He knows me too well, that bastard. I gingerly sit down on the bed and tell myself there’s nothing to be nervous about. This is Steve and he loves me.

“It’s probably scary,” Steve whispers as he places the book on the nightstand. “You’ve been alone for a long time. You’ve grown used to living without company, and then there’s me, wanting to touch you all the time. It makes you nervous. I get that. But you’re safe with me. I’ll always put your needs first.”

“I know that.” I DO know it, but it doesn’t make it any easier. I lie down on my back and quickly pull the comforter up to my shoulders. “It’s not about you. I love you and I want us to touch, but… It’s been so long and I have no experience with being with a man.” Steve turns onto the side and studies me. I’m glad he’s actually listening and not rushing ahead. “I’ve been with women before the war started, but this is different.” The same mechanics may apply, but still, it’s different.

“How many women?”

Steve doesn’t sound or look jealous. He seems genuinely interested. “Not that many; three.”

Steve’s expression changes. “So you basically have very little experience between the sheets. I never knew that. I always took you for the ladies man, scoring one hit after another.”

That’s honest. I can’t be any less than that. “I wanted you to think that. It kept you at a distance. If you ever thought that I might feel that way about you, you’d call me on it. I knew that and I had to stop you from doing so.” Steve elbows himself into a sitting position and gives me a curious look. “You know what people were like during that time. If they’d known you were gay… if they had only suspected it! The number of bullies lining up to kick your ass would have been endless. I had to protect you and I did that the only way I knew.”

“Oh, Bucky, you should have told me anyways. I didn’t know what to do. I had all these feelings for you, but you were only interested in the ladies. If only I had suspected you returned those feelings then-“

I interrupt him. “Then you would have made life hell for yourself.”

“Maybe, but I would also have had your love.”

There’s nothing I can say to contradict that, so I remain quiet.

“It no longer matters,” Steve says and moves closer. “I have your love now, don’t I?”

“You always had it. There was never a question about that.” I hesitantly reach out and caress his face. “And it’s yours forever.”

“You have no idea what you do to me when you say things like that…”

I arch an eyebrow. He’s right; I have no idea what he’s talking about. “Stevie…”

“That’s it.”

I have no idea what I did this time, but Steve suddenly comes alive and climbs on top of me. He straddles me and runs his hands all over my chest and abdomen. “Steve?” The look in his eyes tells me I’m in trouble, but why?

“I want you, damn it.”

The only times I can recall Steve cursing are those when he was really upset, nervous, or excited. He pushes the comforter out of his way and I realize it’s excitement making him act like that. He’s hard. I can help with that, no problem. My right hand knows exactly what to do. I reach for him and want to stroke him to completion, when he swats away my hand. I look at him in surprise. “I thought you wanted—“

“I want you, damn it. I want to make love with you, Buck.”

Okay, I probably should have seen that coming. “Steve, I –“

“I know you’re not ready,” Steve says while running his hands down my abdomen and toward the boxers I’m wearing. “These have to go. Raise your hips.”

What the hell is he up to? But I comply and gasp the moment Steve resolutely slides down those boxers and then drops them onto the floor. He’s horny like hell; I have never seen him like this before. Steve licks his lips and then leans in closer, running the tip of that tongue across my right nipple. The touch is unexpected, and way more intense than I thought. I grow hard too, which probably has a lot to do with the way Steve is slipping his other hand beneath my butt and squeezing it. I give up all resistance. I might not be ready for this, but Steve needs this and what Steve wants, Steve gets. 

His lips leave a moist trail down my chest and he presses a multitude of kisses onto my abdomen. I’m slightly ticklish, so I can’t help but giggle. Steve looks up and grins. That sneaky bastard knows exactly what he’s doing. I raise my left arm and slip my fingers into his hair, taking great care to be as gentle as I can. I doubt I’ll ever fully accept what Hydra did to me, replacing my arm with that bionic piece of machinery, but I’ll make the best of it.

“You want this too, don’t you?”

He is asking for permission. I know what Steve is like; he won’t proceed without my consent. “Yeah, I want this, but…” How am I supposed to phrase my fears? Be gentle with me? It’s my first time on the receiving end? Go slowly?

“Don’t worry, Buck. I know what I’m doing.”

I doubt that very much. After all, it’s Steve we’re talking about! He rests the palm of his hands against my chest and rubs my nipples, the tease! I should probably start touching him in turn, but my mind short circuits, unaccustomed as I am to this much stimulation – this much physical contact. Steve suddenly raises himself and gives me the wickedest grin ever. Just what… 

Oh fuck, that… He slowly lowers himself onto my cock, throws back his head, and grunts; whether from pain or pleasure, I can’t tell. I’m about to stop him, or at least slow him down, when he takes in the rest of me. He grinds his butt against my groin and I’m not sure I’ll survive this. “Give a man a warning before you do that,” I manage, panting hard because the sensation is so damn overwhelming. “I’m new at this, remember?” And what am I supposed to do now?

“Not anymore.” Steve moves atop of me and leans in closer to kiss me. “I never thought I would actually deflower you.”

“I’m not a bloody virgin!” Whatever he’s doing, is working. The pressure inside me is building and I need to thrust. I need to find release. I thrust upward, and I know I should be careful and not too forceful, but he’s quickly making me lose control.

“Ah, so you’re interested after all?” 

Steve’s hands settle on my chest and he uses it as leverage to raise himself, repeatedly, slowly, and driving me fucking insane. I never expected this wild side to him, but then again, we’ve both been waiting a lifetime for this. I rest my hands on his hips and support him the best I can. Seeing him move like that, riding me, and fucking me out of my mind is almost too much. “Slow down… if you don’t want… me to come right now!” Steve pauses and chuckles, which causes an exquisite sensation around my cock. 

“Yeah, we don’t want that yet, do we?”

Steve leans in closer and claims my lips in a passionate kiss. He’s just as hungry for this as I am. “You’re gonna be the death of me.” I’m sorry, but I can’t wait any longer; I need to come. The pressure is getting too much, so I thrust again and Steve reacts at once. He returns to riding me, and at the same time, he wraps his fingers around his cock, stroking himself in turn with my thrusts. “Fuck,” escapes me.

“Yeah, that’s what we’re doing…” 

Steve’s lips attach themselves to the sensitive skin beneath my right ear and he sucks hard. That’s going to leave one hell of a passion mark, I register, just one moment before I finally come. “Fuck…” I pull Steve close against me and hold on tight. I’m never going to let go again. At the same time, Steve climaxes and bathes my abdomen in sticky semen. 

We’re both panting hard and holding on for dear life. “Stevie… damn it.” Steve chuckles and rests his weight on top of me. His silence won’t last, but I’m grateful for it now. My body needs a moment to recover and my mind… Well, I feel afloat on lazy, satiated feelings that seep into each and every pore of my body. “You had to do that, didn’t you?” I whisper into his ear, which causes him to quiver in my arms. 

“You wanted it too,” he says and raises his head so we can make eye contact. 

“Yes, I did,” I reassure him and stroke his back. “I never expected you to do that though.” Steve shifts, turns onto his side, and smiles happily. 

“You assumed you’d be on the receiving end,” he says knowingly and winks.

“I did.” I move closer to him and embrace him, pulling him tightly against me, even though we’re both messy and sticky. “Why did you do that?”

“You said it yourself; you lack experience. Did you really think I was going to top in that case? I don’t want to scare you off. I want you to enjoy it instead.”

It makes sense, I guess. “You could have told me what you were up to.” I reach for my boxers and clean us up, as much as I can. Maybe I should offer to do the laundry for a change. That way I can hide from Laura what we’ve been up to lately. Although, Laura probably knows. She was the one to point out to Clint that Steve and I are in love. 

“Thanks.” Steve smiles and rolls onto his back. He stares at the ceiling, all the while grinning like mad.

“Stevie?”

“Yeah?” Steve turns his head and looks at me. 

“Do you want us to be… like… exclusive?” That probably came out totally wrong, but it’s the first time I’m in any kind of relationship – longtime relationship, I hope - and I’m unsure of the rules which apply to this particular affair.

Steve rolls back his eyes. “What do you think? Of course! I only ever wanted you. As far as I’m concerned it’s you and me for the rest of our lives!”

“That’s an awfully long time,” I remind him. “You might change your mind.”

“And why would I do that?” Steve sits up and gives me the weirdest look ever. “I waited for over seventy years to be with you! If that isn’t love, then…”

“I don’t mean it like that. I don’t doubt your love for me. I know you love me. It’s just… I’m not that man anymore… and if you need to… You know, find someone else who—“

“Shut the fuck up, Buck!” 

Wow, he actually used the F-word. I can’t recall him ever doing that before. My suggestion must have hit a nerve. The look he gives me is one of disbelief and Steve shakes his head repeatedly. 

“It’s you and me in this relationship and no one else. I understand that you’re insecure about this, but… I don’t want anyone else but you!”

His determination is showing and I’m not doubting his commitment. I doubt my own abilities to be the lover he deserves. “Come here, you.” I grab hold of him and pull him into my arms. Steve protests, but not very loudly, and quickly cuddles up to me. “I just had to make sure. This is unknown territory where I’m concerned.”

“Bucky, think about it, do you really think I have THAT much experience? Yeah, I had a few one-night-stands, mostly because I was curious and I didn’t want to die a virgin again, but… It didn’t come close to what happened just now. I love you. I didn’t love any of those guys.” Steve grows quiet.

“I’m sorry I doubted your intentions,” I say, opting for our old familiar banter. “I should have known you’d want to make an honest man out of me.” Steve raises his head and stares at me in surprise. What did I do this time?

“Yeah, of course. We can get married. It’s legal in some states!”

What the hell? “Steve, I was joking!”

“I know, but I’m serious!” Steve nods repeatedly and I can only guess what he came up with this time. “You WILL marry me, won’t you?”

“Stevie!” I chuckle and pull him into my arms. I roll him beneath me and kiss him, hoping it will shut him up. 

“I’m serious!” Steve repeats after he fights himself free of my embrace. 

He seems even a bit offended that I’m not taking his proposal seriously. Oh man, is that it? Did he just propose to me? Officially? “Why don’t you slow down, Romeo? We have time.” Steve’s expression darkens and then becomes sad. “Hey,” I reassure him. “Don’t worry. I won’t make you wait another seventy years. Just give me some time.”

“I know… I’m rash, but I really like the idea of getting married! I have a nice apartment, you got a dog, and…”

“I’ll marry you.” What else am I supposed to say when he gives me THAT look? “In six months’ time, if you still want me by then.” Six months will be enough for Steve to realize just what he got himself into.

“Six months,” Steve repeats and seems to agree. “I can wait that long.”

“And no big party, you understand? A small, intimate gathering. No more than twenty max.” Steve’s expression tells me he’s mentally listing the people he wants to invite. I’d had better keep a tight grip on this situation or it will spiral out of control.

“Twenty-five okay too?” Steve wiggles an eyebrow and rests his head against my shoulder.

“That’s doable, but no more than that.”

“Fine, punk, have it your way.”

“Jerk,” I reply, playing along. I never imagined Steve would actually want to get married, but then again… he’s old fashioned, and if he had fallen in love with a woman, he would have insisted they got married too. So maybe, I should have anticipated it. Steve has gone quiet and I wonder why. A quick look tells me he finally fell asleep. That’s no surprise; he wore himself down. I’m tired too, but also oddly awake. During these last few nights, he watched over me while I slept. Now I’m going to guard his dreams for a change.

0000

“Kneel, soldier… Get down on your knees.”

Pierce’s voice slices through the silence of the room and I comply. I would never consider objecting. Not anymore. When I was younger, I tried to fight them, but it always ended in pain. And I’m tired of being in constant pain. 

“Shackle him. Make sure he knows his place.”

How could I ever forget? My handlers slip the familiar shackle in place around my neck and secure it to the wall of my cell. Next, they put my hands in manacles and cuff my feet. 

“Lights out and no contact. He needs to remember he’s ours. I can’t have him talking back to me.”

Talking back to him was a stupid thing to do, I know that, but I did it at any rate. I still don’t know why I did that. 

Pierce backhands me for good measure, just in case I forgot he’s my owner, and then strides out of my cell. He slams the door shut on his way out and the handlers kill the lights, plunging me into total darkness. 

It’s cold in here, so fucking cold. I don’t do cold well when I’m just out of cryo. My body can’t deal with the drop in temperature and shuts down, like it’s doing now. I don’t mind. Switching off makes the isolation easier to bear. 

0000

A few hours later, there is commotion in the corridor, and the noise pulls me from the void. It’s still too early though. They won’t release me yet. They’ll make me suffer a lot longer. In the end, the dark and isolation WILL get to me and then I’ll scream my surrender at them. Not yet… but soon.

0000

In the end, the fear and the isolation get to me and I try to scream, but my vocal cords refuse to cooperate. My throat is dry and trying to speak hurts. But I have to scream to get their attention. The screaming will alert them and then they’ll come for me. Then the darkness, the cold, and the isolation will stop – for a short time.

0000

“Bucky, please calm down. You’re safe with me. No need to be scared or to be screaming your heart out. I’ve got you. You’re safe with me, Buck.”

I fail to register the voice at first, but as it continues, I listen closely and realize it’s a life line that can pull me from my hell. Please don’t stop, just talk.

“You’re at Clint’s farm, remember him? And little Nate? Frenchie is scratching at the door; he probably heard you and realized you’re in distress.”

Clint? Little Nate? Frenchie… Frenchie… that name means something to me, but is it a human name or the name of a dog? It makes no sense and I shake my head, trying to search my mind and maybe reassemble my memory. I’m not sure I’ll manage. It’s a mess inside my head. There are memories everywhere and hovering above them all is Pierce’s arrogant face. “No, please don’t,” escapes me. “I’ll comply… just don’t put me back in my cell.”

“No one is going to put you in a cell. You’re with me, Bucky. We’re sharing a room, remember that? Laura knew we were a couple…”

Laura - that name sounds familiar. I blink; although I still don’t know where I am, or who is with me, I’m starting to calm down. I have no idea why, but I feel safe.

“That’s it. That’s better. Can you look at me, Bucky?”

“Who the hell is Bucky?” I follow my handler’s instructions and look at him. The first thing I notice is the worry in his eyes. A handler never shows his emotions, so why is this guy concerned about me?

“You are. James Buchanan Barnes, but you go by Bucky for short.”

“Bucky?” But they only ever call me soldier! How come I have a name all of a sudden?

“Do you guys need help?” 

Worried, I look over at the doorway. I expect to see another handler, but his man is dressed in pajama bottoms and that’s it. His hair is tousled and he looks like he just rolled out of bed. That doesn’t fit; it’s out of character. A dog runs into the room, jumps onto the bed, and starts licking my face. Hold on, I’m in bed? And the handler who’s holding me, he’s… “Steve?”

“Ah, there you are again. You had me worried for a second.” 

I pat Frenchie, who calms down, and lies down on the mattress next to me. “Good dog,” I praise him absentmindedly. I need a moment to make the transition from my former cell to this bedroom. I search my mind in an attempt to find out what happened. Alexander Pierce happened apparently, dragging me down into another sordid memory. 

“Can I help?” 

Clint sits down on the side of the bed, keeping his distance. The guy knows better than to crowd me. Realizing I’m naked, I quickly cover myself up. Several emotions run through me and I fail to make sense of them. I feel too much and it’s happening all at the same time. 

“He needs a moment,” Steve says and covers himself up too. “He’ll talk when he feels ready.”

Which isn’t going to happen tonight, no way. I shake my head and draw in a deep breath. It’s dark in the room, except for some moonlight. “Can you switch on a light?” The darkness creeps me out and it’s triggering more memories. Clint reaches for the lamp on the nightstand and switches it on. Then he moves over to the dresser and switches on that light too before claiming his spot on the bed again. 

“Better?” Clint inquires.

“Better, thanks… I can’t deal with it being dark in here right now.” That’s all I’m going to tell them for now. I feel confined, cornered, trapped, and it has nothing to do with Steve and Clint sitting that close to me. It’s the room. “I need some fresh air.” I hope they’ll understand that I’m not running away from them. I just need out!

“Sure, why don’t you two head for the porch and I’ll make you some of Laura’s tea? If you don’t have a major headache yet, you’re sure to have one shortly.”

“Thanks, Clint,” Steve says as he gets up from the bed. He quickly puts on some sweatpants and then grabs some pajama bottoms for me. “Step into them. You can abuse me for support.”

He flashes me a smile, but it doesn’t quite reach his eyes. “Thanks, Stevie.” I quickly slip into the pajama bottoms and try to make my way over to the doorway, but my knees threaten to give out on me. Thankfully I can count on Steve to catch me. He wraps an arm around my waist and practically half drags/half carries me downstairs. 

Relief washes over me when I sit down on the swing. I’m finally out of the house and watch that great open space in front of me. No cell – I can breathe… I can move.

“Here, you feel cold to the touch.”

Steve sits down next to me and covers me with a blanket that is draped across the back of the swing. My body remembers the chill in my cell, which slips into my mind and my body. Steve gets the swing going and the rocking motion makes me relax further. “You must be getting sick and tired of this,” I say, feeling terribly about waking him up and worrying him once again.

“No, I’m just worried about you. How are you doing right now? Any better?”

I’m grateful he is so understanding.”I’m beginning to feel human again.” His expression tells me he’s curious, but I’m not going to tackle Pierce tonight. “Tomorrow, I’ll tell you tomorrow, yes? Not right now. The past is still too close.” Steve pulls me against him and I go willingly. I rest my head against his shoulder and savor the fact that he’s still here, supporting me. 

“Sure, you take all the time you need. There’s no hurry.” 

He tucks the blanket into place, making sure I’m warm. “I love you.” But I most certainly don’t deserve him. 

“I love you too, Buck. Are you comfortable? Warm enough?”

“Yeah, thanks.” I stare out into the distance. I’m glad I’m no longer alone or stuck in Bucharest. I love it out here. The open space, nature itself, and Steve’s support really make a difference.

“Here, you can sip. I waited for it to cool down.”

Clint hands me a mug and I smell the aroma of Laura’s special tea. “Thanks, I need that.” I can feel the first makings of a killer headache coming on. Both of them are careful not to look at me, so I won’t feel watched, but it isn’t working, since I know why they’re staring out into the distance. “I’m sorry for what happened earlier. I probably woke up everyone.” I sip from my tea and shiver violently. “Did I really scream like that? I don’t know what happened when I woke up.”

“You woke up Laura, who in turn woke me. I checked with the kids. All three of them were still sound asleep, so don’t worry about that.” 

Clint sounds calm and forgiving, but… “Are you still sure you want me here?”

“Of course I do! That’s a stupid question,” Clint says and gives me an admonishing look. “You need time to heal, we know that. And with what happened earlier today in Siberia, I would have been surprised if you hadn’t had any flashbacks.”

“Maybe Wanda’s manipulation wore off and everything hit extra hard?” Steve suggests and continues the rocking motion. 

He softly hums into my ear; he knows it helps me relax. It worked back then and it still works now. “Maybe, but this was bound to happen anyway. I drag too many ghosts along with me, Steve.”

“Then we will put them to rest.” Steve presses a chaste kiss against my brow. “You need to have faith in us. We won’t desert you.”

“I’m still working on that,” I admit reluctantly. Looking at Clint and recalling that I woke him, I feel guilty. “You don’t have to stay on my account. You should return to Laura. I’m ruining your sleep.”

“Nah, I like it out here. You’re right; it’s very soothing.”

I don’t know why, but the fact that he’s staying reassures me. Yeah, I have Steve at my side, but Clint is quickly becoming another life line, and I desperately hold on, hoping the two of them can stop me from drowning in those memories. I don’t feel like talking and thankfully both of them seem to understand and accept that, so I just join them in staring into the distance, constantly reminding myself that little cell is history and that I’m free of Hydra these days.

TBC


	2. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky takes that final step...Wanda is pleased. And Tony gets drunk...

Part 2

“He actually went back to sleep…” I didn’t think Bucky would be able to let his guard down long enough for him to fall asleep again. I continue patting his hair and briefly close my eyes. 

“What happened?”

I almost forgot about Clint, who looks rather worried. I don’t blame him. That flashback, nightmare, or whatever it was, affected me too. “I can only guess as he didn’t give me any details,” I warn him. “But he screamed that he wanted out and he whispered Pierce name twice.”

“I never even suspected that Pierce had anything to with Hydra, let alone was in charge of it. That bastard had us all fooled, including Nick. Nick still blames himself for not catching on earlier.”

I can understand that. Nick thought Pierce was a good friend, much like I assumed Rumlow was a friend. “It just serves to remind us that Hydra can be anywhere and anyone.”

“And how about you? How are you dealing with any of this? It can’t be easy on you having to watch Bucky go through this.”

“Thanks for caring, I appreciate it.” I really do. There aren’t that many people who actually wonder, let alone actually ask, how I’m doing. Buck doesn’t have to ask; he knows how to read me. I’m an open book to him, always have been. “I’m coping. Sure, it’s challenging to be there for him, but Clint, this is a second chance I never thought I would get. I believed Bucky dead for decades, and now that he’s back, I’ll do anything I can to make sure it stays that way.”

“Don’t lose track of yourself though. You need to look after yourself too.”

I smile at Clint. “That’s why I have you, isn’t it? Seriously, just being out here helps. I would find this a lot harder if we were stuck in Bucharest or in New York. It means a lot to Bucky that you accept him and that you aren’t afraid of him. He adores little Nate. Bucky was never a loner back then. He loved being a part of things and being a part of this family is helping him, I truly believe that.”

“You’re both welcome to stay as long as you’d like, and to come back here whenever you need to. I’ll tell Nat to explain the farm’s whereabouts to you so you can find it again.” Clint gets to his feet and stretches. “The sun is about to rise; time to get breakfast ready. I’ll play waiter and bring you some out food, yeah, I know, something easy on the stomach for Bucky. I’ve got this.”

Clint winks and then moves back inside the house, which leaves me alone with Bucky. I draw in a deep breath and remind myself how lucky I am to actually have Buck back in my life. I’ll never be able to get back at Hydra for what they did to him and it shouldn’t be a priority. Recovery, helping him adjust to his new life, those things come first.

That they kept him locked up doesn’t come as a surprise. Hydra would never let him roam their base. No matter how docile or submissive he might have seemed, I can’t believe they broke him. Maybe he gave up momentarily, but he always fought back. I press a kiss onto his hair and rub his back through the blanket. I love him so much, and finally, after a lifetime of mourning losing him, I’m given a second chance. 

0000

About thirty minutes later, Clint returns carrying a fully loaded tray and I catch the delicious smell of coffee from a distance. “Thanks.”

“You’re welcome.” Clint places the tray on the small table next to the swing and gives Bucky a thoughtful look. “You should wake him so he can eat. He also needs to get some fluids inside him. I have herbal tea and orange juice.”

“And porridge.” Although I don’t particularly dislike it, I’m still slightly disappointed. I prefer a hearty breakfast instead. Clint chuckles softly and shakes his head at seeing my saddened expression. “You can come in for seconds at any time, but I thought Bucky might feel less inhibited if you had porridge too. That way, he won’t think I made it especially for him.”

“You’re getting to know him too darn well.” I’ll eat the porridge and will sneak into the kitchen for more later. Now I face the daunting task of waking Bucky. “Okay, let’s do this. Let’s hope he won’t panic.” Waking up Bucky is one of my least favorite jobs as I never know how he’s going to react. Clint stays put, which reassures me. I have back up in case I need it. 

“Bucky, I know you’re still tired, but come on, Clint just brought breakfast. We can’t disappoint the man, can we?” I caress his face and continue to whisper, “I know you’re not overly fond of porridge and neither am I, but it’s something your stomach can handle. You need to wake up now, Buck.” I can’t help but suck in my breath in anticipation. I’m ready for every possible reaction on his side.

When he slowly opens his eyes and just looks at me calmly, it almost feels anti-climatic. “Morning, I’m sorry to wake you, but your porridge and tea are getting cold.” It’s probably best not to address what happened last night just yet. Bucky should choose the time and setting for that. He still looks rather sleepy and yawns. “Having a hard time waking up?” I keep my tone light and non-judgmental. 

“Didn’t sleep well,” he mumbles and reluctantly moves out of my embrace. “Fuck, what a night.” Bucky runs a hand through his hair and draws in a deep breath. “I’m so tired.”

“I wanted to talk to you about that,” Clint says and sits down opposite the swing. “But first I want you both to get started on the porridge. Don’t give me those looks! It’s tastes better that it looks like! Just try it!”

I reach for the two bowls and spoons and hand one to Bucky. I pretend not to notice the disdain on his face. “Just give it a try. Laura probably made it.” That seems to motivate Bucky and he eats some. His expression changes and he smiles. 

“It’s good,” Bucky whispers and then returns to eating. 

I start to eat too and agree; as far as porridge goes, it’s good. It’s also good to see that Bucky has an appetite. I was worried I’d have to force feed him! He empties the bowl and then reaches for the orange juice. Bucky keeps giving Clint uneasy looks and I think I know what this is about. “What do you want to talk about?” I ask Clint, getting on with the conversation. Bucky won’t relax until he knows what Clint wants to discuss.

Clint takes hold of his coffee and leans back in his chair. “I want you to consider contacting Wanda as soon as possible.”

Bucky’s expression tells me he didn’t expect that particular topic and neither did I. I assumed Clint wanted to discuss last night’s nightmare.

“And why do you want me to do that?” Bucky moves on to his tea, and the eagerness with which he drinks it, tells me he’s nursing a bad headache.

“Because you’re hurting. You’re tired, and none of this is necessary. She can help you and heal your mind. There’s no reason why you should wake up screaming night after night.”

Clint impresses me. I wish I had come up with that. “He’s right, Bucky.” Maybe Bucky will consider it because it is Clint telling him instead of me. He thinks I’m biased because I love him. I’m starting to suspect that Bucky sees Clint as a father figure. It makes sense, I guess. When you don’t count the time I spent asleep in the ice and Bucky locked up in cryo we’re both awfully young. Still in our early twenties. 

“Maybe I deserve to suffer like this, ever thought of that?”

Bucky’s protest however lacks conviction. He’s tired; these nightmares and flashbacks are wearing him down. Sooner or later he will reach the point where he can’t deal with them anymore. I rather hope that it will be sooner instead of later. “Bucky…” I start, and want to reprimand him for thinking that way, but Clint shakes his head and I shut up, letting him tackle this instead.

“Let me get this straight. Hydra dragged you onto their base after you fell from a moving train. You lost your arm in the process and they asked your permission to provide you with a bionic arm? And you eagerly accepted?”

“Of course not!” 

I can’t tell if Bucky is offended, mad, or simply scared by the direction Clint is taking this conversation in. It might be a mix of all those things. I keep quiet, fairly sure that Clint knows how to handle this. I already tried to get through to Bucky and I failed. It might have more impact if Clint explains these matters to him. 

“Oh, you didn’t agree? And they went ahead anyway? You surely deserved that. All that suffering Hydra put you through, did you ever ask for it? Did you plead with them to put you in that machine and to wipe your mind? Did you beg them to send you on these missions so you could kill these innocent people? Well, did you?”

“How dare you! I had no choice! They made me!” Bucky loses control over his left hand and he crushes the tea mug in his hand. If looks could kill, Clint would be dead now. I do hope the guy knows what he’s doing. 

“You didn’t have a choice back then, but you have a choice now, Bucky. You can choose freedom and peace of mind. You don’t deserve any of this; the flashbacks, the amnesia, the nightmares. Hydra is still hurting you and you’re letting them. You need to realize that you can stop this. For the first time in seventy years you have a choice. You don’t deserve any of this. Let Wanda help you. Don’t give Hydra this much power over you when you should be free of them. You deserve better than that. You deserve a life free of pain.”

Bucky is still agitated. His breathing is much too fast and he can’t seem to open his left hand, which is still locked in a fist. “Clint is right, Buck. Don’t let Hydra win. Wanda offered to help, accept her offer. Imagine what it would be like; nights without nightmares, just peaceful slumber. No more fears of flashbacks. You could finally start to rebuild your life.”

Bucky averts his gaze and stares at the remains of his mug. He sighs deeply and seems to shrink into himself. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to break it.”

“Don’t worry about the mug,” Clint says and sits on his heels in front of Bucky, trying to get his attention. “Look at me, will you?”

Bucky hesitantly makes eye contact. “The two of you don’t know what it’s like to remember everything. I remember my victims. Their screams still ring in my ears. I remember the way it felt when I slowly suffocated them.”

“Stop it,” Clint says in a resolute voice. “You’re doing exactly what Hydra wants you to. You need to stop this. Hydra is guilty of those deaths, you aren’t. This is exactly why you need to talk to Wanda. Hydra messed you up big time, you know that, don’t you?” Clint waits and Bucky slowly nods. “You’re not thinking rationally. Please, let me give Wanda a call and tell her to come over. Don’t let Hydra win. Just don’t.”

“Bucky, he’s right. Please listen to him.” I rest a hand on his back, trying to support him that way. “Don’t let Hydra take this away from us.”

“Stevie…” Bucky bites onto his bottom lip and looks torn. “I don’t know what to do… I…”

“Then listen to us and give Wanda a chance. Everything Clint said is true. You’re not thinking rationally because Hydra is still messing with your mind. Maybe you can let us make this decision for you? You trust us, don’t you?”

“I do trust you. It’s me, whom I don’t trust.” Bucky closes his eyes and then nods. “Maybe you’re right. I’m not being rational about this. Hydra’s tentacles have a tight hold on my mind and maybe… Maybe I should let you make this decision.”

“Great decision!” Clint exclaims as he gets to his feet. “I’m calling Wanda right now. You did good, Bucky. You made the right decision.” Clint uncovers his phone and heads back into the house.

Relieved, I shift closer to Bucky, who instantly moves into my arms. “He’s right,” I reassure him. “You can’t let Hydra win. Clint and I will act in your best interest; you can trust us.”

“I know I can... I’m just scared.”

“I know that, Buck. But you don’t have to do this alone. You have friends to support you, and I promise you, we won’t let you down.” Bucky nods against my shoulder and I tighten my hold on him. “I’ve got you, buddy.” His left hands opens and he sags against me. I can’t be sure, but it almost seems like he’s crying, and even if that’s the case, he’s entitled to it. I’ll just hold him and support him – until the end.

0000

“Here, drink it. Clint said you’re having another headache.” Laura steps out onto the porch and hands Bucky another cup of tea. 

Bucky’s expression turns guilty as he stares at the remains of that first mug. “I’m sorry for breaking it. Let me clean it up.” 

Frenchie appears and lies down, watching us closely. He seems to understand that Bucky is not in a good mood today and keeps his distance.

“No, you’re staying right where you are, young man!” Laura says forcefully as she collects the pieces. She puts them on the tray and then gives Bucky an in-depth look, as if trying to find out how he’s really doing. Bucky quickly averts his gaze and looks at the floorboards instead. “Don’t feel guilty about breaking a mug, Bucky. I have lots of them.”

I check on Bucky’s expression, but he still looks miserable. “Hey, it’s only a mug.” I’m slowly beginning to understand that Clint IS right. Hydra messed with his mind to such a degree that he needs help finding his way back. Not per se help in the form of a counselor, although I suspect we will end up in someone’s office sooner or later, but foremost of someone like Wanda who can manage the damage Hydra did. 

“That’s not it,” Bucky admits, obviously feeling ill at ease. “I’m out of control.”

“Because you wrecked a mug?” 

This time I’m getting much needed help from Laura, bless her. I give her an encouraging smile. Sometimes you need a stranger to tell you the truth instead of a loved one. I know that.

“Because I couldn’t stop myself from destroying it.” Bucky sighs and hesitantly looks at her. “I’m so tired. So fucking tired.”

“I can tell,” Laura assures him and rests the palm of her hand against his cheek. “But help is underway. Clint is currently on the phone with Wanda. You just need to hang in there a little longer and let us support you. Everyone here cares for you. You don’t have to do this on your own.”

“Thanks,” Bucky whispers and blushes mildly. 

“Now drink your tea and then come inside. Are you still hungry?”

I nod fervently as that porridge didn’t really fill me up. “I am.”

Laura laughs warmly as she gets to her feet. “Come on, I’ll make you second breakfast!”

I grin, as I actually understood that reference. I managed to watch the Lord of the Rings trilogy some time ago. “We’ll join you in a minute.” Laura nods and heads for the kitchen.

“How is your headache?” Bucky sips from his tea and then meets my gaze. He seems hesitant and insecure. He’s probably trying to understand what’s happening and why we’re pushing him to accept Wanda’s help. I do believe that he thinks he deserves to be miserable, but what he needs to understand that he isn’t to blame for those murders. Hydra did that.

“Annoying as hell, but I’ll deal with it.” 

That’s typical for Bucky. He’ll endure the pain and suffer in silence. “I really believe you’re doing the right thing by giving Wanda a chance to help you. Hydra really did screw with your mind.”

“If you say so,” Bucky replies despondently. 

“Things will get better, I promise.” I bury him in a hug and hold him. I can’t wait for Wanda to get here and help him. 

0000

I drag a reluctant Bucky into the kitchen with me. He still seems uneasy about breaking that mug. It shows just how badly Hydra screwed with his mind.

“Sit,” Laura instructs and places bacon, eggs, toast, and even pancakes with maple syrup on the kitchen table. “And eat. I can tell you’re still hungry,” she says and winks at me.

Feeling grateful, I smile at her. “Thanks.” Then I turn to Bucky. I don’t really need to ask him what he wants, I know already. “Pancakes for you?” 

“It’s been ages since I had some, yes, please.” 

I move the majority of the pancakes onto his plate, and while he slowly eats, I must confess to wolfing down my food. I can’t help it; I need the calories to keep going. Clint walks into the kitchen and puts down the phone. He looks pleased, excited even, and I reckon the talk went well.

“Wanda is flying in after dinner. She’s happy that you accept her offer. She also said that she isn’t surprised to hear you’re feeling down. She kind of expected it to happen. During the fight you experienced a peaceful mind, as she called it, and when her manipulation wore off, everything hit you twice as hard. She says to hang in there until she gets here. Everything will work out.”

Clint rests his hand on Bucky’s left arm, surprising him. Bucky looks up in shock and seems ready to run from the room. “Hey, that’s good news, isn’t it?” I place my hand on his right and hope the touch will calm him down. Bucky fights to get back in control of his emotions, and eventually, he seems to accept Clint’s touch. I suspect it isn’t the touch itself that upsets him; it’s the fact that Clint is touching his bionic arm that freaks him out. 

Frenchie is eyeing the food on the kitchen table, and although I know he has been fed already and Bucky doesn’t approve of it, I slip him some pieces, which he greedily accepts and eats. Bucky catches me doing it and raises an eyebrow.

“Now you’re stuck with him begging anytime you’re going to eat. You know that, don’t you?”

“I do, and I’ll survive.” I release his hand and give him an encouraging look. “Eat, Buck. You love pancakes. That’s something I definitely know!” Clint releases Bucky’s hand too, and he continues to eat slowly. I have the feeling that today is going to be a long and exhausting day and I can’t wait for Wanda to get here.

0000

After washing up and getting dressed for the day, Bucky ends up on the couch in the living room with little Nate sleeping peacefully in his arms. He protested at first when Laura wanted to hand him the baby, but then she reminded him that he is Nate’s god father now and that he has a responsibility towards the baby. That little manipulation worked like a charm and Bucky is babysitting now. 

Clint joins us and switches on the television, probably to turn into the news, considering the time of day. Next to me, Bucky flinches and he does his best to tune out the sound. I’m not going to stand by and do nothing. “Clint, can you switch it off?”

“Steve, don’t,” Bucky admonishes me in an uneasy tone.

“Sure I can.” Clint switches off the television and looks at Bucky. “What’s the deal with that?”

Buck remains quiet, however, and simply stares at little Nate. Looks like it is up to me to explain. “The lights and sounds act like triggers. He suffered flashbacks because of them in the past.”

“Ah, makes sense, I guess,” Clint says thoughtfully. “How about a laptop? Can you look at a screen without it turning into a trigger?”

As I don’t know the answer to that one, I look to Bucky instead. 

“As long as the sound is off and the screen is calm, I might be able to do that.” Bucky sounds reluctant to try it though.

“Let’s do this.” Clint gets to his feet, collects his laptop, and starts it up. Then he heads toward us and gives me an expectant look. “Move, Steve, I want to show him something.”

I shift to the left, creating an empty spot on the couch in our midst. Clint sits down and moves the laptop in such a way that we can both have a look at it. As far as I can tell we’re looking at the New York Times front page news. And it has a picture of Bucky, dressed in his old uniform, calling him Sergeant Barnes. What is that all about? I skim the article and feel immensely relieved. It’s good news for a change!

Bucky, however, just stares at the screen in shock. “Hell, what…?”

Clint takes pity on him and starts explaining. “They cleared you of the bombing on the UN and went public with Zemo’s story. The world knows that you had no part in that attack.”

“Why use that old picture?” Bucky wonders absentmindedly. Little Nate probably picked up on his restlessness and wakes up. Bucky does his best to soothe the baby and to get him to go back to sleep again. I’m sure glad I’m not the kid’s god father!

“Because the article also mentions that you survived that fall and that you’re a part of the Avengers now. See, Stark is mouthing off again about how great an addition you are to the team.”

That convinces Bucky that he really needs to read the article for himself. While reading it, he repeatedly shakes his head. “They got the story all wrong!”

“No, they didn’t,” I contradict him. “What’s wrong then?”

“They’re saying Hydra killed all those targets. That isn’t true, I did that.” Little Nate gets fed up with Bucky’s lack of attention and wraps his tiny arms around Bucky’s neck. Those arms are too short though, and he fails, sliding down Buck’s chest and ending up trying to climb again. Bucky quickly cradles him, and starts rocking, which soothes Nate -- for now. I doubt it will last.

“They’re making me into a hero, which I’m definitely not!” Bucky sounds and looks shocked.

“But you ARE a hero, Bucky. You survived Hydra’s reign of terror and you’re still fighting back today,” I say, trying to get through to him. Luckily, I have Clint to back me up.

“There are many kinds of hero’s, Bucky. Just accept it.” Clint shrugs and places the laptop on the coffee table. “Why don’t you hand me Nate for a while? He’s waking up and getting pretty active. Steve and you probably have lots to discuss.”

That’s NOT very subtle, but I don’t blame Clint. He picks up Nate, chuckles at his son, and gets up from the couch, taking the baby with him. I shift closer to Bucky, take his hand in mine, and try to read his expression. He looks stunned, maybe even shocked. 

“They’re making me into a hero, which I’m not. They should warn people about me instead!”

What should I do? Start up another discussion about the subject matter? So far, I never managed to fully reach him, so things won’t be different now. Maybe I should wait for Wanda to get here and help him before trying to talk some sense into him yet again. “You’re not dangerous,” I say eventually, “and people don’t need to be warned about you. Now, what are we going to do for the rest of the day? Want to go for a walk? The fresh air and exercise might do you good. We can take Frenchie along. You liked going on that hike the other day, didn’t you?” I need to get him out of the house and active again. That way he has less time to brood.

“Sure, that’s fine with me.”

Seeing Bucky this lost hurts, but I’m convinced it’s only temporary. He WILL get better; he has to.

0000

We get back to the farm about three hours later. Bucky dragged his feet during our little trek and still seems listless. I’m not sure how to reach him and maybe I just need to back off for a while and let him make his peace with Wanda trying to help him, because I feel strongly that decision is at the root of his despondency. 

Clint gives me a puzzled look when Bucky freezes and just stands there in the middle of the living room. I shrug helplessly. I don’t know what to do either. Clint beckons towards the couch and closes his eyes as if going to sleep. I get the hint, walk over to Bucky, and guide him toward the couch. He simply goes along with it, not questioning me. When I sit down, I pull him onto the couch with me and he complies. “Why don’t you rest your eyes for a little while?” 

Bucky sighs, nods, and lies down on his side, facing away from me. I guide his head into my lap and take to stroking his hair. Those tired eyes close and he finally seems able to relax. I lean in closer and press a kiss onto the top of his head. “Get some rest if you can. I’m not going anywhere.”

“Thanks,” Bucky whispers and buries his hands beneath my knee, using my thigh for a pillow. “I’m sorry,” he adds. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“It’s fine. I love you the way you are – with all ups and downs.” Clint grins at me at hearing that and I smile back at him. That’s what love does – it changes the way you perceive someone and you accept his quirks too. 

Clint remains quiet and I stop talking too, giving Bucky a chance to doze off. I know he’s still feeling the after effects of that flashback. Although he didn’t complain about it, his head must still hurt and he looks plainly exhausted. His breathing evens out and I’m quite confident that he fell asleep at last.

“He has a hard time dealing with this,” Clint observes quietly. “I understand that, to a certain agree. When Loki had me under his control, I was aware of everything I did. But contrary to Bucky I knew I wasn’t to blame for those crimes. Loki made me do it. Bucky thinks he did it.”

“You’re right,” I agree. “But he wasn’t always like that. When we were growing up, he had a healthy sense of self-reflection and never had any problems admitting he had made a mistake, but nothing like this. Hydra really did a number on him.”

Clint nods. “Brainwashing does that. And don’t forget, they also wiped his mind several times. He lost part of his identity. He was a prisoner of war without realizing it. Don’t underestimate what that did to him. He found out that a large part of his life was a lie. I read the files Hydra had on him. They reduced him to a thing – an asset. They told him that he was part of that machine and they owned him. Bucky never stood a chance against them, no matter how hard he fought them.”

I know he’s right. “If only I had gone back for his body. I would have grown suspicious at not finding him.”

“And then what? You were in the middle of a world war with Hydra breathing down your neck. Steve, let go of the guilt. You need to if you really want to help him.”

“It’s easier said than done,” I confess. “But I know you’re right. “I want to build a life with him. Once he feels up to it, I want to take him home to Brooklyn, show him my apartment and settle down. Maybe I’ll step down from the Avengers for a while. I want to concentrate on Buck’s recovery.”

Clint chuckles. “Living the domestic life,” he says, obviously amused. “You already have the dog and an apartment, now you only need to make your boyfriend an honest man.”

He actually winks at me! How did he know about that? Baffled, I stare at him. 

“It’s not that hard to figure out,” Clint replies smugly. “Most people forget where you come from, or more specifically, what time you come from. You can get married today, so I’m guessing, you’re going to propose to him?”

My face is growing hot at being found out. “I already did.”

“And he accepted?” Clint is all smiles now.

“Yeah, sort of.” 

“It’s going to be all right, you know.”

I know that, and I’m grateful Clint actually said that. I need a little support once in a while. I’m still only human after all.

0000

Thankfully Bucky stays asleep until dinner. I’m about to wake him when there’s commotion at the front door. Apparently Wanda got here early, bless her. Due to the noise, Bucky stirs. Him waking up right now is probably a good thing. I’m guessing Wanda needs him alert in order to work with him. 

“What’s going on?” Bucky rubs his eyes and slowly sits upright, looking about in a disoriented way. 

“The cavalry has arrived,” I say jokingly. “Wanda is here,” I add upon seeing his lost look.

“Is it evening already? Fuck, did I sleep that long?” Bucky runs a hand through his hair and looks about. “Why didn’t you wake me?”

“Because you were peacefully asleep and you needed the rest.” Checking on the new arrivals, I wonder how Bucky is going to react when he realizes he is getting more than he bargained for. Except for Wanda, Nat and Tony also flew in. I’m especially worried about Bucky’s reaction at finding Tony near.

“Hello there!” Tony heads into the living room without a care and settles in a comfortable chair. “Barton, can I get some whiskey over here?”

I can’t help but smile. That’s Tony, acting like he owns the place. Thankfully Clint is used to Tony’s antics. “It’s good to see you, Tony, but I didn’t expect you.” Bucky tenses up the moment he realizes Tony is in the room. 

“I thought I’d tag along in cause sleeping beauty here reconsiders and blows off operation Mind Rescue! Ah, thanks, Barton, you’re a darling!” Tony takes hold of his drink and sips. 

I know Tony can be a bit much at times, and Bucky probably feels overwhelmed, judging by the confused look he’s giving me.

“Sleeping beauty? Operation Mind Rescue? What the hell is going on?”

Thankfully Wanda takes charge and sits next to him on the couch, distracting Bucky from Tony’s mayhem. 

“Clint tells me that you aren’t doing well,” she says calmly. 

Bucky shrugs and my heart goes out to him. I hope Wanda can help him. I squeeze his fingers encouragingly, hoping he will open up to her. “Go ahead, tell her.”

Bucky sighs deeply and gives her a tentative look. “I had a flashback last night. I was back in a cell and with my handlers. I woke up screaming. Clint and Steve talked to me and… if your offer still stands then…” His voice slowly dies and he looks spooked.

“Yes, of course, it does,” she quickly assures him and smiles. “I’m relieved you want to go ahead and do this. I worry about you.”

“She really does,” Tony cuts in, waving at Clint for a refill. “She drove everyone mad, even Jarvis, okay, Vision. So if you guys hadn’t called, I would have. Thanks, you’re a sweat heart,” he says, addressing Clint who puts the whiskey bottle on the side table next to Tony’s chair. “Good brand, good year, good man!”

“And you’re really okay with this?” Bucky looks questioningly at Tony. “After what I did to your parents? Don’t I deserve some punishment?”

Tony resolutely shakes his head. “No, you don’t, kid. Listen to me. I saw the footage and it wasn’t you pulling the trigger. That was a different person, well, not a person at all, more like a robot. Hydra pulled your strings. I want you to do this. That’s why I’m here, to kick your ass if I have to. I had the feeling you might want to back out at the last moment.” 

That’s quite a solemn speech where Tony is concerned and I appreciate him taking this seriously. “Thanks, Tony.”

Tony nods. “Now let our fairy work her magic.”

Wanda chuckles, obviously amused to be called that instead of a witch. “Bucky, you have to trust me now.” She reaches for his hands. Which means I have to let go. She smiles her thanks at me and takes Bucky’s hands in his. He flinches the moment she touches his left arm. “It’s going to be fine. It won’t hurt, I promise.”

“I can deal with the pain,” Bucky assures her. He’s growing paler by the minute though and small tremors course through his body.

“You won’t have to. That time has passed. Pain belongs in the past, yes?” Her characteristic red energy leaks from her fingertips and seeps into Bucky’s. “I need you to understand this. Some very bad memories lurk in the depths of your mind and they will continue to drag you down. You won’t be able to recover that way. I’m going to lock those memories away so you can no longer access them.” Bucky wants to protest, but she shakes her head and he gives in. “I’m going to keep the key with me, so to speak. So should there ever come a moment in time that you need to access them, you still can, but we will do so together, yes?”

“I’m not sure about that,” Bucky says, searching for a way out. “I did those horrible things. I should be able to remember them. I can’t simply forget about them.”

“But you need to, at least until your mind has had a chance to heal. Bucky, trust me on this,” Wanda says pleadingly, but also decisively. “This is the only way.”

To my surprise, Bucky looks over at Tony again. I’m under the impression that he hopes Tony will back him up on this. But then he’s in for a surprise.

“That’s genius, Wanda! You should do that ASAP. Barnes, don’t give me that look! The girl is right! You can forget about me supporting your melodrama!”

“Listen to Tony,” I tell Bucky, although I have trouble believing I’m actually saying that.

“Wow, I can’t believe you said that,” Tony says and grins. “Listen to us, Barnes.”

Bucky nods slowly and gives in. “Do your worst then.”

“Thanks for your vote of confidence,” Wanda jokes. “It will be fine and you won’t notice a thing. You might feel some warmth, but that’s about it. Now close your eyes and let me do this. I need to concentrate so don’t interrupt, please.”

I wonder what effect her manipulation will have on Bucky. I hope it will lift this terrible depression that has taken hold of him. I watch them closely, but don’t notice anything out of the ordinary. With his eyes closed like that, Bucky seems asleep. Wanda however looks terribly alert and a pained expression flashes across her face.

“Poor man,” she whispers and moves her right hand to his brow. “This will help, I promise.”

I find I’m holding my breath and force myself to start breathing again. “How long is this going to take?”

“A few minutes,” Wanda says absentmindedly. “The things they did to him… How can anyone do this to another human being?”

Tears run down her face and I swallow nervously. Do I want to know what she’s talking about? I decide that I don’t. She’s locking those memories away, so I’m not going to drag them into the light. “Is there anything I can do to help?”

“Once I’m done, he needs to rest. His mind needs to adjust and he’s going to sleep. You can hold him.”

I’d like that. A few minutes later, Wanda guides Bucky into my arms and I cradle him against my chest. He looks at peace in his sleep. “Thanks, Wanda, you have no idea what this means to us.”

“I do know,” she says and draws in a deep breath. “He has been fighting an unfair battle, one he couldn’t win, not against Hydra. Their mind control went deep. He’s free of them now. You might find him changed when he wakes up, so be aware of that. I took away most of his depression, which was a result of Hydra’s brainwashing.”

“Are you sticking around until he wakes up?” Clint puts a tray onto the coffee table. It holds hot chocolate for everyone.

“I want whiskey in mine,” Tony says, giving Clint the evil eye.

“Behave,” Nat tells him and hands him a mug. “You have had enough whiskey. You don’t make a nice drunk, Stark.”

“Don’t I know it,” Tony sighs, giving in. “So, Wanda, dear… What should we expect when sleeping beauty wakes up?”

“You shouldn’t call him that,” Nat protests, but then smiles. “Although, I must admit it suits him.”

“You’re growing soft in your old age!” Tony sips his hot chocolate reluctantly, already eyeing the whiskey bottle hungrily.

“It’s not going to happen, Stark, forget about it.” Nat makes herself comfortable on the recliner and warms her hands on the mug. “I hope it works,” she says, addressing Wanda. “I know what it’s like to have your mind messed with. It’s not pretty.”

“I’m confident it worked,” Wanda reassures everyone and smiles when Laura offers her a chocolate chip cookie. “I deserved that,” she says and winks. 

The one thing I distinctly notice is the way Bucky cuddles up to me. His body is relaxed and his breathing slow and calm. As far as I’m concerned I can already tell a difference. That’s good. It’s very good.

TBC


	3. Words of Wisdom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky has some words of wisdom for Tony.

Part 3

Uh, what IS that noise? Where am I and what’s happening all around me? Then I smell a very distinct scent; Steve. Things can’t be that bad when he’s near. I find it hard to wake up. I’m still sleepy and want to cuddle up to him and go back to sleep, but Steve’s fingers move through my hair and it’s distracting me. I must be crushing the poor guy considering the way I’m sprawled all over him, but he doesn’t seem to mind since he isn’t objecting. 

I manage to open one eye; that should be enough in order to find out what’s happening. Although, I merely end up watching Steve, who’s smiling at something happening over to his right. That means I have to open both eyes in order to find out more. I’m hugging Stevie really close so I loosen my hold on him, which turns out to be a mistake, because he looks at me at once. Fuck, I gave myself away!

“Hello there, it’s good to see you awake again. How are you doing, Buck?”

That’s actually a very good question. I frown and back away a little, giving him some space. I try to figure out what is different. “I’m fine,” I whisper, feeling distinctively odd. Steve’s face looks more pronounced, clearer, and much more vibrant. It’s like some sort of fog has lifted and a warm light shines from his eyes. “Really, I’m fine,” I repeat, more in order to reassure myself than him. This is strange though. 

“I’m glad to hear it, Bucky.”

Steve unexpectedly presses a kiss onto my brow and the feel of his lips against my forehead makes my heart flutter madly. I can’t recall ever reacting that fiercely before; even when we made love a part of me felt detached. But that is in the past; I feel whole again… Fuck, I forgot what that actually feels like. 

“You seem confused,” Steve remarks in a puzzled tone.

“Brilliant observation, definitely worthy of Captain America.” Something is definitely wrong here. I don’t feel quite myself. “What did you do?”

“I didn’t do a thing,” Steve reassures me and takes to rubbing my back. “Wanda restrained your trauma, do you remember any of that?”

Do I? What IS the last thing I remember? Frowning deeply, I try to sort out my thoughts. “I remember her sitting down next to me and telling me that everything was going to be fine. Then I grew tired and I fell asleep.”

“That was supposed to happen.”

Wanda sits on the arm rest of the couch and studies me. “I remember your energy… It moved through me and…” I frown again, trying to remember. “It was warm and caring and…”

“I know that this is confusing,” she says and rests her hand on my shoulder. “Give it some time, you’ll get used to it. Just go along with it. Don’t fight whatever it is that you feel.”

“That’s easier said than done. I have no idea what I feel.” I suddenly grow aware of the fact that we’re not alone in the room. What the hell is Stark doing here? Romanoff is rocking little Nate, and that’s fine, considering she’s the baby’s god mother. Laura enters the living room carrying a mug and Clint is patting Frenchie, who is asleep at his feet.

“Here, we already had some, but you missed out because you were asleep.”

Laura hands me some hot chocolate and I whisper my thanks. Why is everyone looking at me like that? “What?” I bark, demanding an explanation. 

“Sleeping beauty is definitely awake again!” Stark grins, which means he’s probably just joking.

I recall what it felt like when I drunk in the old days. Well, tipsy was more like it. After all, I had Stevie to look after and to keep safe from bullies. I didn’t have the luxury to actually get drunk like some of my friends did. “Why do I feel like I’m drunk?”

“You’re not drunk! You need to consume alcohol for that, and I know for sure that you didn’t!” Stark raises his shot glass and drinks whatever booze he’s having. 

“I know that I didn’t have any, but…” This makes no sense!

“Bucky?”

Wanda saying my name gets me to focus again and I look at her. “Yes?”

“You’ve been depressed for a long time. You’ve lived in a continuous state of anxiety and fear. You’ve had panic attacks, and don’t deny it, because I’ve seen it in your mind.”

Well, there’s little use in denying it when she knows it happened. “So what?”

“Now that those dark feelings have lifted you feel… normal again. This is what it feels like to be away from Hydra’s mind control.”

I have a hard time accepting that. “You didn’t do anything else, did you?”

“Would you be wondering about that if I manipulated you?”

She made a valid point right there; I wouldn’t be questioning it. “This feels unreal.”

“I get that.” Wanda smiles warmly. “Give it time, yes?”

I nod. It’s not like I have a choice, do I? I didn’t realize it until a moment ago, but I don’t want to feel depressed and anxious again. I like this much better. “So, what were you all laughing about? Or did I just imagine that, while floating up there on my little cloud of happiness?”

“Oh, he actually has a sense of humor, or is that plain sarcasm?” 

Stark, no, Tony, gives me a dirty look. I don’t want to call him Stark anymore. If this is a new beginning, I should call him Tony instead, at least, mentally. I’m not sure I can actually call him that aloud. But why shouldn’t I? He’s here because he cares for me. He knew I might chicken out and that’s why he showed up. To make sure that didn’t happen. I can call him Tony. That shouldn’t be a problem. 

“Actually they were making fun of me,” Clint says, but he doesn’t look annoyed. He actually has a warm expression on his face. “Laura brought out the baby pictures, and no, not those of the kids, I would never do that, but mine instead.”

“Baby…” Nate! I look about, wondering about his whereabouts.

“I know that look,” Romanoff hints and gets to her feet. A moment later she returns carrying Nate. “Is this what you’re looking for?”

The moment she places him in my arms, an oddly warm and fuzzy sensation moves through me. I can’t explain it, but I feel warm inside just looking at the little rascal. Nate is looking at me, chirping, and reaching out for me with those chubby arms. I missed him. I know, it sounds a bit dramatic, but I really missed the little guy. “Hello there.” Just looking at him makes me feel at peace. 

“Whatever you did, it’s working,” Romanoff tells Wanda; she sounds amused.

Wanda smiles contently. “I told you it would work.”

Tony opens his mouth as if to speak, and I expect more sarcastic wit, but this time he surprises me.

“I’m glad it worked, I really am. You might not believe me, but I felt bad for the way Hydra screwed you over. This way you’re getting a second chance. I like that. You deserve that, Barnes.”

“My name is Bucky,” I offer gently. “My friends call me that and I hope you will too.” Maybe it’s too much too quickly, but it feels like the right thing to do. His eyes widen slightly, which tells me he didn’t expect that. 

“I’d like that, Bucky.”

I have the feeling there’s more to Tony Stark than he wants the world to know and I look forward to getting to know him better. Actually, that reminds me… “Did you mean it back in Siberia? Do you really want me to be a part of the Avengers?” To my surprise, I find that I want to join the team. They strike me as a great group to work with in the field and I’d love being part of something bigger again.

“Yeah, I meant it, and now cease this maudlin behavior. More whiskey!”

I smile at him. No way Romanoff is going to let him have more alcohol judging by the look she’s giving him. That’s thankfully not my problem. My current problem consists of a very curious and stubborn baby who’s trying to climb onto my left shoulder by biting himself a way up there. Life is good.

0000

After washing up and brushing my teeth, I strip and get into some pajama bottoms. Standing in front of the mirror and looking at my reflection, I realize a lot has changed. I can actually look at myself in a non-judgmental way. My face has changed over the years, but that’s normal. But the deeply rooted self-disgust that assailed me the last time I looked into a mirror is gone. I’m me. I’ve been through a lot, and although I still remember a lot of what Hydra did to me, it feels less intense. The self-hate is gone and the feelings that pop instead, amaze me. 

“Hey, is everything okay? You have a spaced out look in your eyes.”

Steve embraces me from behind and I lean against him, causing him to pull me even closer and to tighten the embrace. Looking at his reflection, I see the love he bears me reflected in his eyes. I never doubted his love for me, but I did doubt my own worthiness. I never felt worthy of his love and thought he shouldn’t waste it on someone like me. It’s a sudden and earth-shattering revelation; I love him and he loves me. It’s as simple as that and we deserve to be together after everything we have been through. 

“I’m fine, Stevie. I really am.” And it’s the truth. For the first time in what seems like an eternity, I feel okay about myself. I can do this. I turn in the embrace and wrap my arms around him in turn. My bionic arm will always remain alien to me, but it IS a part of me; I can’t and won’t deny that. “I feel odd though.”

“Come on,” Steve says and leads me into the bedroom where we sit down on the bed. “Try to explain it to me because I need to understand what’s happening in that head of yours.”

“How do I explain this to you?” This is going to be difficult. I look out of the window and find a delicate mist has formed on the open plain. Maybe that way… “See that mist?” Steve looks out of the window and nods. “Now imagine it a hundred times worse. You can barely see and you need to feel your way along a wall in order to get out. It’s also dark. There’s no light and the surface beneath you is sticky, dragging you down and trying to hold you down. I felt like that when I woke up this morning.”

“That sounds terrible.”

His expression tells me that he is really doing his best to imagine such a scenario. “Then Wanda comes along and does whatever it is she does. The fog lifts, there’s a light all of a sudden and the surface beneath you feels steady and secure. Suddenly, everything turned into the complete opposite.”

“Sounds scary too,” Steve whispers and wraps an arm around me.

“Yeah, it is,” I realize. “But in a good way. I’m not scared. It’s just unknown territory.”

“I’m glad you accepted Wanda’s offer. I can see the change in you. It’s in your eyes, the way you carry yourself, the way you walk… and I love it. I love seeing you like that.”

“You love me period, even when I’m depressed and having a panic attack. Thanks for staying with me and supporting me.” The fact that he came for me means the world to me. I lean in closer and gently kiss him on the lips. “I do love you…”

“I know that,” Steve wisecracks and grins from ear to ear. “And I love you too, Bucky. Always have, always will.”

I expect him to make his move and instigate another round of sex, but Steve surprises me. He buries me in a hug and rests his head on my shoulder. A series of shudders move through him. I react at once and complete the embrace, wrapping my arms around him as well. “This wasn’t easy on you either,” I realize. I’ve become used to thinking of him as the strong one, my support, my rock. But Steve isn’t as tough as he pretends to be. He’s only human too. “Thanks for not giving up on me.” I bury his head beneath my chin and hold him close, rubbing his back for comfort.

“I just wanted you back in my life again,” Steve admits, whispering the words.

But I still catch them. “You succeeded.” His sudden mood shift surprises me and I’m stunned to feel something wet against my skin. “Are you crying?” I can’t believe it. Why would he do that? I lift his head so I can look at him, and yes, tears run down his face. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m happy,” Steve says and shrugs. “You have no idea how happy I am. When you fell off that train I thought I had lost you forever. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to go on. If it hadn’t been for Peggy and our comrades then…”

“Don’t say that!” I chide him in a firm voice. “What happened on that train wasn’t your fault. I told you so before!” I need to stop this guilt trip right now. “You need to live in the here and now, Steve. You can’t dwell on the past like that. You need to leave it behind you.” He looks tired. Why didn’t that register with me before? He looks exhausted. His eyes look dull and his shoulders sag forward. “You need to get some rest.” During the last few weeks, he had to be the strong one, now it’s time to turn that around. 

“Come on, let’s get some sleep. Everything will seem better in the morning.” I pull him down with me and we settle down on our sides, facing each other. Steve moves into my arms and I cover us with the comforter. “Comfortable?” I inquire, though I already know the answer. That little octopus is wrapping his arms and legs around me, trapping me. 

“Yeah, I am now. Thanks, Buck.”

“Try to sleep, Stevie. I’m here. I’ll watch over you, yes? Just close those eyes and let go.” Reversing our roles feels odd, but it’s what he needs right now. Steve needs to be able to let his guard down for a change. He needs to unwind and finally rest. “You don’t have to worry about me for a change.” Steve smiles and I know that’s exactly what he needed to hear. “Close your eyes and get some sleep. You can dream of me, I won’t mind. Maybe I’ll even feature in a wet dream,” I hint and wink at him. 

Steve chuckles softly. “I wouldn’t mind that either.” But he does as he’s told. He closes his eyes and it doesn’t take him long to fall asleep. The poor guy is exhausted. However, I’m not. I’m fully rested and alert. I don’t mind though; I’ll just watch over him.

0000

Little Nate however, isn’t sleeping peacefully. He’s crying his heart out and he’s about to wake up Steve. I feel torn. I want to stay with Steve as I promised to watch over him, but having to listen to Nate cry like that breaks my heart. Why isn’t Laura, or anyone else for that matter, trying to calm him down?

“Just go,” Steve mumbles and looks at me. “You know you want to.”

“I’m sorry he woke you. I’m staying though, I promised to guard your sleep.”

“Hey, you’re practically the only person who can make him go back to sleep. I don’t mind. Just hurry back when you’re done. Now get going.”

“Thanks.” I kiss his brow and Steve unhands me. He had a pretty good hold on me earlier. Steve presses deeper into the mattress, tucks the comforter around his body, and goes back to sleep. I promise to be quick about this. The moment Nate goes back to sleep, I’m going back to my bed. 

I sneak through the corridor as I don’t want to wake anyone up, although Nate is already doing a great job at that. I’m surprised that neither Clint, nor Laura, have shown up so far. The moment I approach the nursery, I realize I do hear a voice, but it doesn’t belong to any of the parents. It’s Tony’s.

“Come on, little guy! I’m making funny faces, I’m letting you suck my thumb, which is gross by the way, and I’m trying my hardest to make you go back to sleep. Cooperate, please!” 

I briefly consider turning around as I still feel slightly uncomfortable around Tony, but then the pleading tone gets to me. Tony has a hard time being unable to soothe Nate, so maybe I should help. I stop in the doorway and wait for him to notice me. His initial reaction to my presence will tell me a lot. Tony looks up and seems relieved to see me. Okay, I guess that means I should offer my help. “Anything I can do?”

“He won’t stop crying!” Tony rocks little Nate in his arms, but the baby isn’t calming down. “I have zero experience looking after these,” Tony explains in a pained voice. “Pepper wants to have one, but I tremble and shake at that prospect!”

“He’s teething and his gum hurts. Do you want me to…?”

“Yes, please!” Tony acts at once and quickly places the baby into my arms. “Just make it stop! I can’t find the off button!”

Like before, I settle down in the rocking chair and it doesn’t take Nate long to start nibbling on my arm. He calms down and attacks my arm with more vigor. “We have a little mauler on our hands.” I grin and support Nate, who’s trying to attain a comfortable position, snuggling close to me. 

“Well, his dad is trouble too, so…” Tony sighs in relief. “Such blessed silence. I really need to talk some sense into Pepper.”

“Why? Don’t you want kids?” Little Nate is starting to doze off, drooling all over my arm, but I don’t mind. I never thought it remotely possibly that my bionic arm could ease pain instead of inflicting it. Tony’s breathing hitches and I study him. He had a lot of alcohol, but he looks pretty sober right now.

Tony sits down on the windowsill, looking defeated. “Look at me. Do you really think I’m parent material? I can’t even get Nate to calm down!”

“You only needed to get some ice cubes from the kitchen. If you had let him suck on it, he would have quieted down. You just didn’t know that, but now you do, so when your child starts teething, you’ll know how to act.” I wonder about the real reason why he is so down. This can’t be just about little Nate. “I know I’m hardly the right person to talk to, but I’m listening. Steve always tells me I’m quite good at listening, and giving advice too, so…” I’m offering, but not forcing him. It’s Tony’s decision whether or not to confide in me, and I won’t blame him for not trusting me. After all, we have a history together.

Tony wavers. He seems torn and averts his gaze. I doubt he’s going to take me up on that offer, but at the same time, he looks like he desperately needs to talk. “What’s this really about?” I offer him an opening; he can take it if he wants to. If he doesn’t, I won’t feel offended.

“Gods, what I wouldn’t do for a drink right now.” Tony’s hands rest idly in his lap. “I can’t do this sober.”

“You had enough to drink, don’t you think so? Alcohol doesn’t fix any problems. It just creates an illusion; it doesn’t change reality.” Nate is soundly asleep in my arms, and I could move him back to his cradle, but I’m afraid he’ll wake up if I do. It’s best to wait a little longer.

“Yeah, I fucking know that, trust me, but it makes things easier.”

“Which things?” I’m surprised to find that I really like the guy and I want to help – if I can. Tony raises his head and looks me in the eye. That takes guts and I’m impressed. “Tell me.”

“I shouldn’t burden you with this. You have enough shit to deal with yourself.”

“Evasive tactics don’t work with me, just ask Stevie.” I know what he’s doing and I’m not letting him get away with it.

“Stevie… You actually get away with calling him that?” Tony grins. 

“We go way back,” I explain. Maybe telling him some of my background story will help him open up about his. “Before Erskine used that serum on him, Steve was quite different. In summer, he had hay fever, in winter, he was struck down with pneumonia. In between, his asthma was killing him. Whatever virus was going on at the time, he caught it. I often played nurse, tucking him in, feeding him his medication, trying to keep him safe basically. So, yeah, I got away with calling him Stevie. I still do.” Tony nods and seems to appreciate the inside information. Thankfully he can do little harm with this knowledge.

“I have trust issues…” Tony’s right hand contracts, almost like his fingers are closing around a shot glass. “As you know, my parents died when I was young, and I don’t blame you, I told you!”

I nod. “I know that. I still blame myself though.” But thankfully, the guilt no longer cripples me, thanks to Wanda’s intervention. 

“Later on, I get kidnapped and these insane bastards want me to build them a bomb, a big, fucking bomb. They hold me prisoner in the desert, and the only friend I had out there, dies because he wants to keep me safe.”

“That sucks,” I say, opting for truth.

“Yes, it does…” Tony pauses and seems in desperate need of a drink. That’s probably his coping mechanism, but since there’s no alcohol around, he has to do without. “Next I find out that my best friend and business partner betrayed me to those terrorists. He tried to kill me, several times even, but failed.”

If he could, he would be downing a drink right now, I don’t doubt that. I get to my feet, walk over to him, and slowly place Nate, who’s peacefully asleep into his arms. Tony gives me a panicked look.

“No, I’ll drop him or worse!”

“You won’t,” I reassure him, moving his hand in such a way that he’s supporting the baby’s head. “What else happened?”

“Another mad man kidnaps Pepper and uses her to experiment on. He succeeds and she ends up having all these super powers…. I would have loved having them, but Pepper isn’t like that. So I worked hard on finding a cure, and I did. But it was touch and go for a while.”

“She’s fine these days?” I feel sorry for the guy, and yes, I understand that he has problems trusting people.

“Yeah, she’s back to her charming self, hence her wanting to try for a baby.” Tony smiles at Nate, who snuggles up to him. “Maybe this isn’t so bad after all.”

I sit down next to him and watch them. “You’ll make a fine dad, don’t worry about it.” Tony carefully shrugs.

“I don’t know. I’m selfish… rash… impulsive… a diva, according to Romanoff.”

“Does any of that matter? You have love in your life. This woman, Pepper, she loves you and wants to start a family. You have lots of friends. You know that Steve is very picky about his friends? If you passed that test, he really respects you.” Tony looks at me and smiles, carefully, hesitantly. I understand; we’re hardly friends and he barely knows me. “People betrayed you, let you down, deserted you, I get that, but it’s in the past. You have a chance to try again. You can’t live in the past… You can’t control the future. You can only make the best of the present. Do that. Be a husband, be a dad.”

“Uhm…” 

Tony gives me a weird look. “What?”

“Husband? I haven’t proposed yet.”

“Then you should, as quickly as possible. Make an honest woman out of her and then have kids. That’s the way it should be done.” Tony shoots me a look which slightly alarms me. What did he think of just now?

“Did Stevie do it? Did he propose? He’s kinda old fashioned.”

I don’t like that tone at all. “And what if he did?”

“Then I have a wedding to plan! You can get married at the Tower!”

I smile at his comment. “Thanks, he might have proposed, but I don’t think it’s actually going to happen A wedding ceremony isn’t necessary.”

“You just don’t want to be the one wearing the dress, admit it.”

“No one will be wearing a freaking dress!” I hiss and almost wake up Nate. “Let’s put him back to bed, before we wake him. You do it,” I tell him, seeing his scared expression. “You need to practice.”

“I’m not having kids!” Tony objects, but then gets to his feet, walks over to the cradle, and carefully puts him down. “Now please stay asleep for the rest of the night.”

He’s fortunate; Nate doesn’t wake up. “Let’s get out of here.” Tony quickly follows me out of the room and we end up on the porch. Suddenly Tony is missing and I’m about to look for him when he shows up carrying a bottle of whiskey. “You don’t need that.” I snatch the bottle away from him and ignore his ranting. “Just sit the fuck down!”

“Language!” Tony however, does as he’s told and settles down on the swing. 

He gives me a dirty look, letting me know he doesn’t appreciate me stealing his whiskey. “You don’t need this,” I repeat and put it out of his reach. “Why don’t you give your lady a call?”

“At this ungodly hour? Pepper would have my hide for waking her up from her beauty sleep.”

“She sounds like a fine woman. You should hold on to her.” Tony nods, but remains quiet. He seems to have calmed down and no longer eyes the whiskey longingly. “Did we manage this little crisis?”

Tony laughs, warmly. “I reckon we did. I never knew you’re good at crisis management.”

“Oh, I have lots of experience regarding that. You have no idea how much trouble Steve used to get himself into.” Which reminds me, I should probably head back. “Can I leave you alone? You’re NOT going to drink yourself into oblivion? And if you can’t call her, text her. Let her know you love her and are thinking about her.”

Tony tilts his head and gives me a diabolical look. “Can I be your maid of honor when you get married? I bet Steve’s going to make you wear a dress! Virginally white, a veil, and all that!”

I get up from the swing and flip him the bird. “In your dreams, buddy.” But yes, I’m confident he won’t go for the booze the moment I leave the porch. “Behave yourself,” I tell him and head for the bedroom. I’ve been gone far too long already.

0000

When I get back to our room, I find Steve standing in front of the window. He probably watched that whole scene. I walk over to him and wrap my arms around him from behind. “Spying on me?”

Steve laughs and looks at me from over his shoulder. “You did well. Tony needs friends, especially friends who aren’t afraid to kick his ass. I understand where he’s coming from, but he has so much to live for. He needs to be reminded of that – regularly.”

I hold him close and whisper, “You aren’t going to make me wear a dress, are you?”

“No,” he chuckles. “That wouldn’t suit you, but the proposal stands. I do want to marry you.”

I pull him close against me and inhale his familiar scent. “Until death do us part, Stevie?”

“Till the end of the line, Bucky…”

“Till the end,” I repeat after him. That’s the way it’s going to be. Until one of us dies, probably protecting the other, but that’s the only way to go. We’re in this together, until death do us part.

The end


End file.
